“Change is the essence of life.Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become.”--unk
“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.”-Anatole France
As I near the end of the academy, I can't help but look back at where I started. It seemed a long journey when I started, and here at the end it seems to have just happened, quickly, almost too soon. As I prepare for what comes next, I take stock and see how I have changed.
I'm not sure how much I expected to change, or how much others expected. I know I haven't changed as much as some in our class, and there are some who I expect have changed less. But what is it about me that has changed? That's the hard part.
I've made friends in class. I know people throw the term "friend" around, often when other words are more appropriate; acquaintance, co-worker, maybe even 'person I know'. I tend to make fewer friends than many folks, but the ones I make I care about. We have a large class, and honestly not all of them are 'friends'. I'll always be interested to hear how they are, but there are only a few that I will try to keep in touch with. Of those few, there are a couple of dear friends that I will dearly miss seeing everyday. They are really the only thing that would make me want the academy to last any longer. It seems a little sad to me that we have spent so much time together as co workers, only to graduate and go our separate ways, never to actually work together again.
I even have a difficult confession to make. I'm not sure I want to go back to the Fire Department.
Yeah, let that sink in a minute.
I love being a fireman. I love fighting fire. I think I always will. But fighting fire is no longer my job. In fact I'm no longer allowed to, per my assignment. I'm assigned to the Prevention Division, which includes the Arson Investigation Unit. It's kind of comical in a tragically sad way. I cant fight fire, so I'm training to be a Peace Officer. But I'm not going to be doing the 'regular' patrol work, so I'm not going to be a policeman either.
Right now I'm doing a lot of wondering, and worrying about what is coming. I worry if I will like what I'm doing. And I wonder what I'll do if I don't. That may be the biggest change, I never saw this coming.