...to a couple of guys in my department.
Dispatch: ...Respond to 2304 Ryan Lane, (giggles) unknown medical emergency.(more giggles) Patient is 27 year old male. Dispatch time 1307
The guys roll up to the house, grab the kit and clipboard, and knock on the door. A 27 year old male opens the door and ushers them in. Introductions are made, and medic #1 asks, "So, what seems to be the problem?"
"Your not gonna believe this" is the answer. Thinking to themselves that they have heard it all, the ask him to just go ahead and tell them.
"Last night, I was bitten by a Vampire"
I am told the silence stretched on for a good 30 seconds. And then, as medic #1 looks over his glasses, medic #2 starts to snicker. Medic #1 asks where he was bitten.
Unfortunately, the patient did not wake up until after the attack, so he was not sure as to perzactly where he was bitten, although he is sure he was.
Medic #2 looks at him in solemn understanding and says, "Well, I guess we better check to see where." At which point the patient helpfully undresses down to his boxers, although no bite marks were found. He is offered a ride to Parkland Hospital, which is coincidentally where the county Psych ward is. He is glad to go.
On the way to the hospital, the patient tells medic #2 who is in the back with him "I think I'm going to explode." Medic #2 looks at him and tells him "It would be in your best interest, not to explode in the back of my ambulance."
After delivering the patient to the friendly (and very large) staff in the Psych ward, and warning the staff of his imminent end, the guys wander into Biotel which is our medical control office. A few minutes later, they hear the overhead page of the hospital "Code Blue, Psych ER, Code Blue Psych ER".
Medic #2 looks around and says in a Texas Drawl, "Well, I guess he exploded."