Thursday, April 3, 2008

Tis better to have loved and lost...OR "hey lets go to a titty bar!"

My brother is getting a divorce. Right off the bat I'll tell you no kids are involved, just the two adults. I thought about blogging about this for a while, and kinda put it on the back burner. But, then I read a post on another blog that brought it back to the front of the que.

I'll tell you right now that I have no idea what it's like for women when they break up. Ok, I have an idea, but it probably ain't right. I do know, however, how it feels to a guy, cause see, I have been there and done that.

"It sucks" pretty much sums it up.

I saw my brothers coming for a while before he did, at least before he would admit it. She had moved out, and said she wouldn't move back into the same house. The house was near his family, so he wasn't going anywhere, even if he could. Kinda hard to reconcile two opposite things.

So, for all you non male readers, and maybe even some of the males who haven't been to see that particular elephant, how's it feel? What can you do for him?

Well, first be sympathetic. How? Well, if you're a guy, your only option here is a stiff pat on the back and a heart felt "Hey man." You are allowed to use "the look" when you say it. You know the look I mean, the one that says all those things guys are not allowed to say to other guys. An offer to go to a titty bar is never out of order.

Now if you happen to be of the softer fairer sex of the species, you have a whole world of options depending on many factors such as age and your relative "hotness index", not to mention your own availability status.

Let's say you are a female who is older than the man in question. (and by older I mean you are friends with his mom, or could be) You are encouraged to call, but only once. Multiple offerings of baked goods, or hot meals are welcome within the first week to ten days. Hugs are optional, but can kind of creep him out, be careful. Kissing, even on the cheek is right out.

If you are a female who is younger than the man in question (read young enough to be his daughter or daughters friend assuming they are above 18), for his own good and his sanity stay away. Tell him you are joining a convent, have gotten engaged, something, anything.

If you are a female of the same relative age, your options depend on if you are in a relationship of your own, or if you are "available". If you are in a relationship, you may call often to check on him for a period of up to 6 months. If during that time he dates at all, the time frame starts again. You may also feel free to email him, or even text message him up to twice per day. He knows by unspoken rule that he may call/email/text you in return the same number of times, so take this into account. Quick visits with or without your significant other are fine. Hugs are encouraged. Kisses on the cheek are also allowed. You have the most options. During his time of pain, he needs to know that there are other females out there who are kind and sweet. He needs to believe that if it weren't for that no good lowlife you're with your significant other, you would be on him like white on rice.

Now, if you happen to be a female of the same relative age as he, and you are not currently in a relationship you must decide up front which of the 2 categories you fall into;
Category one: This category if for you if you even think that you might want to have a "relationship" at some time with him in the future. Be very careful. Don't be too friendly, but don't be cold. Tell him you know he needs time, and you will be there for him if he needs you. He doesn't know what this means, but he'll think "I bet she wants me". Be seen. Let him see you at the places he goes, the store, church, wherever. This keeps you on his roster. I can't explain it, just be around. Make him think you like the same things he does. We all know in reality you don't really like any of the things we do, it's ok, we all live the lie. If you are in this category, your job is to be ready to pounce once he is ready for a new relationship. But once you sense he is ready, pounce fast before that slut from down the street does because she's in this category too.

Category two: This is the category for you if you are of the same age, and don't look like JO JO the Dog Faced girl, AND if you have no desire to ever have a "lasting relationship" with him. You, of all the groups have the most important job in regards to helping him through his time of pain. Talk to him, tell him you heard about what happened. Tell him you understand. Tell him you just got out of a relationship too, and you never want to be "tied down" again. This will let him know you are not a threat, that you do understand his pain. Then, offer to use him as your own personal lov.... you know what I mean.

I don't know how many ladies actually read my blog, so guys, feel free to pass this on to all the ladies you know.

yeah right

Mr Fixit


Ambulance Driver said...

Titty bar sounds good right about now...

Larry said...

It depends on how much older the older woman is. An older woman can give you the kind of education that every young man should have.
If you survive it.
(But if you don't you die happy, so it's sort of win-win.)
As a bonus, the next lady in your life will appreciate it.

Mr. Fixit said...

Well, my brother is younger than me. So, yeah, that could work.

Tolewyn said...

Ok, my sides hurt now. That was beautiful. Category 2 rebound women for the win!!