Wednesday, March 26, 2008

You won't believe

Yesterday, in the early afternoon, half of my town lost power. It was a sinister, and amazingly successful, attack. My town was attacked by a group that most of my readers refuse to admit exists.

Mutant Bug Warriors

I've known about this group for a while. In fact, I was attacked personally, not a year ago. Yesterdays attack was much more vicious, and much more coordinated.

It started out with a random female human, driving down the two-lane farm to market road. Meanwhile, high overhead, a single black wasp circled. Seeing his victim, he dived into her path and flew into the open window of her pickup truck. Once inside, the wasp began to attack the female.

The wasp didn't know it, but this was no ordinary female, this was a single hand driving, while talking on the cell phone, and smoking a cigarette female. A true multi-tasker. Unfortunately, she tried the wrong defense on the wasp.

Apparently, the "When in danger when in doubt, run in circles scream and shout!" defense was never meant to be used while in a vehicle.

Who knew?

The wasp forced the truck off the road and into one of the main power poles supplying the town. The pole, basically a wooden telephone pole, was sheared off by the ranch hand bumper of the truck. The force of the impact actually cut two of the three power lines, sending half of the town dark.

Once the driver was removed, with very minor injuries, the electric company began to try to repair the damage. That's when I noticed the coordination of species in this attack.

Mutant spiders had spun webs along the fence line where the power lines ran, causing crews to waste time dancing and swinging at them. Fire ants had an unnatural infestation in the ditch around the broken pole. And all the while repairs were being made, some type of giant mosquito-looking-bug-that-doesn't-bite kept flying around to scare the workers.

As for me, know what I knew, I went home and prepared. I grabbed my shotgun, and my MHI patch. I waited patiently for hours, until at last at 10pm power was restored. I had even gathered my special weapon; a phased plasma rifle with a 40 megawatt range a can of wasp spray with a 20 foot jet spray. I was ready.

That’s why it took until this morning to get back to see the replies to the Flat Stanley post. And that’s a true story.*

*Mostly true anyway

Mr Fixit


Anonymous said...

Okay tell the truth after reading the book you want to buy a Saiga 12 gauge? Please tell me yes so I don't fell like a dork. --- Billy Sparks

farmist said...

"giant mosquito-looking-bug-that-doesn't-bite"

most likely Mayflies - looks like a 2" mosquito