Friday, May 4, 2007

I'm just sayin'....

I arrived home this morning after a fairly uneventful shift at the fire station. I had just walked in the door, when I hear the pager go off. I am also a volunteer firefighter in the town I live in. Yes, I love having meals interrupted and getting only four hours of sleep in one hour intervals each night so much that I do it on my days off for free.

This particular call was for lift assistance with EMS. It was an "automatic" assistance call, since the address is known for a very large patient. By the time I got to the residence, EMS was on it's way out, and the Police Officer was on the phone to get the Judge out to pronounce her dead, and call the Medical Examiner.

Normally, that is the end of our involvement with the situation, but this was not ordinary. The guys came from the funeral home to transport the patient to the M.E. office. Because she was so large, we were asked to stick around and help. She was large enough that we weren't sure if we could get her out. Because I came from work to home and straight there, I still had my uniform pants and my "Big City Fire Department" T-shirt on.

Discussion quickly went to "How are we gonna get her out?", and everyone kinda looked at me. Why anybody thinks because I work in a "Big City" I know more or better is beyond me. I looked back at 'em and said "I don't know".

One of the Sheriff's deputies said we should take her out the front windows.

I looked back at the house and said "What front windows?"

"The ones behind the pile of foil." he said.

On the porch was a pile of aluminium foil about six feet square, and five feet tall. Behind it were two windows. We had the neighbor drag to foil out of the way, while I took the windows out. After that, ten of us dragged/pulled/carried her out. Ten of us was about two of us to few. It was work.

After it was all over I asked about the mountain of foil on the porch. The local PD Officer and the Deputy kinda laughed and said the health department had made her take it down. It had been on her walls like wallpaper. "She had it everywhere!" they said. "They came to visit, and made her take it down yesterday."

Why did she have it up I asked.

The Deputy laughed and said "Oh hell, she thought people were trying to kill her with lasers and microwaves and shit. She had all that up to block it all out."

I said "So, she had it all up to block the death rays, yesterday she took it down, and today she died?"

He kinda stopped laughing as I walked away.

I'm just sayin'....

Mr Fixit


Ambulance Driver said...


You know what they say...just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not really out to get you.

Mama Mia said...

Sometimes you've got to wonder... maybe they're not as crazy as they seem - or maybe the exertion of removing all that foil caused a massive MI... hard to say :P

Kaerius said...

I'm betting stress-induced corronary.

But you never know, maybe she "knew too much." *wink*

*Bursts out laughing*

Strings said...

I'd guess psychosomatic myself. Or, is that just what THEY want us to think?